Consciousness is guided by hope: psychologist Suzdaltseva told how to get out of an abusive relationship

In the modern world, the term “abuse” is increasingly used in colloquial speech, when the topic is the relationship between a man and a woman. Abusive or abusive relationships are a type of relationship in which a partner violates the personal boundaries of another person, and also exerts psychological or physical influence in order to suppress the will of the “victim”.

Most people around the world have been in this kind of relationship at least once and know how difficult it is to get out of them. In such relationships, the abuser-victim model is actively used. The most difficult thing is for the “victim”, who cannot always muster up the courage and run away from the destructive partner.

Psychologist Ludmila Suzdaltseva during a conversation with a correspondent FAN she told how partners perceive abusive relationships and gave several recommendations on how to get out of them.

“None of us stay in an abusive relationship because we enjoy being beaten or humiliated, not at all. In abusive relationships, it is hope that drives us. In any relationship, any needs of a person are satisfied. Therefore, there is hope that he / she will change, improve, because the partner is sometimes kind and supportive. It is the hope that the partner can become better, for example: stop drinking, quit drugs, will not humiliate me, or at work, they will finally begin to appreciate me (this is possible in any relationship). Here the starting point is desperation. I despair that the person will improve. No, he will always be like this. Ask yourself the question: “Am I ready to live this way all my life?” The answer to it puts it well in place, ”explained the psychologist.

To get yourself out of an abusive relationship, you need to look for a resource and support from people. Often a person stays in such a relationship because of the fear that they will not find a better partner / job, etc. You need to look for a resource for yourself and ask yourself a leading question: “How can I ensure my survival and life when I get out of this relationship ?

It should be remembered that according to the legislation of the Russian Federation, a parent is obliged to protect their children from the violence of their second parent, if any. For example, if a father beats children, and the mother does not counteract, does not report to the police, she is also responsible for this.

“First of all, physically secure yourself and your children to get out of this relationship. If we are not talking about physical violence, but about mental, emotional, financial, then psychotherapy will help. This is a mechanism that is inherent in all of us to one degree or another, but this is not visible from the inside. The mechanism of a person’s relationship is formed in his early childhood with a significant adult. What is formed in relationships can be corrected in them, or at least explored. How is it that you choose your abuser, stay in this relationship? Why is this happening? What resource are you missing to overcome this? Why do you keep moving in this wheel? This is called the dramatic triangle,” said Lyudmila Suzdaltseva.

As free support, there are programs for adults and children from dysfunctional families. This is an effective program that helps people in dysfunctional relationships.

Formerly psychologist Alexandra Miller dispelled the myth about the disappearance of problems after consultation.


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